When the first Kung Fu Panda was released in 2008, I was a bright-eyed 22-year-old and the idea of Jack Black as Po, a panda who wanted to learn martial arts, was a totally original character (and still pretty culturally appropriative but we didn’t talk about stuff like much in ’08). Now, Black has been playing this  Kung Fu expert for the better part of two decades, and the franchise is showing its age!

As you may recall from previous movies, Po serves his home of Peace Valley as its Dragon Warrior. However, as the fourth installment starts, Po’s poised to become the town’s Spiritual Leader – if he can only find a successor! You see, you can’t stop being the Dragon Warrior without first training another Dragon Warrior who is capable of solving Peace Valley’s problems and vanquishing its enemies with the power of Kung Fu. Duh!

But wait! Before Po can go about finding a successor, an evil Chameleon played by Viola Davis (because Oscar winners need money too) puts the safety of Peace Valley at risk. And so, Po must team up with Zhen, a fast-talking smalltime crook/Fox with a talent for cheating at Mahjong. Zhen is voiced by Awkwafina, who honestly sounds bored half the time.

So, what happens in the rest of the movie? Well, let’s put it this way: at one point, during one of the pretty obvious plot twists, Zhen sarcastically asks Po, “Is this surprising?” The answer is no. Nothing in this movie is surprising.

From Po’s two dads (one is a Goose and one is a Panda) saving him at opportune times to Po and Zhen forming an unlikely bond, this is a derivative movie that proably could have been written by Chat GPT. It comes off as paint-by-numbers IP rather than an original story, and it’s proof positive that this franchise should have been allowed to die with dignity.

But of course, Hollywood is gonna Hollywood, and as long as Kung Fu Panda can put our kids’ tiny bottoms in seats, Jack Black will have a meal ticket (or perhaps it’s more accurate to call it a “Luxury Yacht Ticket,” at this point). Oscar-winning composer Hans Zimmer also returns to write the score (he must like yachts too).

I applaud anyone who made money off of Dreamworks’ impulse to bleed this franchise dry, but I do not applaud this movie. It’s dull (the funniest part involves a Goose and a Panda awkwardly climbing stairs) and the characters are broader than Chris Hemsworth’s shoulders. Ultimately, Kung Fu Panda 4 is the sort of soulless IP you hope your kid doesn’t get obsessed with.

Having said all this, a summer of strikes means there isn’t much competition at the movies these days. If your little one wants to sit in a dark movie theatre and eat popcorn, this could be your only option. If your child is determined to see this mediocre movie, I won’t judge you if you take them. But buy lots of snacks, because the popcorn and Junior Mints will be the highlight of your outing!