Previously on Love is Blind… I wrote about this four seasons ago and Charlotte might as well be forever ago. And now, we’re in mostly Columbus, Ohio, the city of love and, according to Alex and Ashley, nuggets. The next day, they and their fellow surviving straight couples try on their wedding gowns and suits. Chris Fusco and Jessica Barrett are out of the picture and so are Bri McNees and Connor Spies, the latter’s breakup more verbose yet amicable than the former. Justice for Bri if you know you know.

Meanwhile, Brittany Wicker and Devonta Anderson are going relatively strong despite him wanting a prenup and her not wanting one. Emma Betsinger got the most screen time during the pods and dodged bullets like alleged serial rapist Steven Sunday. After the pods, Emma’s screen time is in the middle of the pack, she is now at the altar, filibustering her vows, fading to black.

I mean the hacks at TMZ spoiled Love is Blind‘s wedding episode anyway. So it’s safe to say that despite her funniest ‘I do’ ever, Mike Gibney says no. Apparently, Emma being ambivalent about children is a bigger factor for his decision than her humour. That’s his loss – people who want children are nerds. At least, Amber Morrison gets to crack jokes about Jordan Faeth’s CPAP machine before they exchange their ‘I do’s’. Now I kinda want After the Altar back just so that I can watch these two women get the funny edit instead of the suffering edit they got during the main show. As an aside, how am I older than both Amber and Jordan?

Anyway, the less one can say about Brittany and Devonte’s breakup the better, despite Brittany’s pre-bought dress. Doing so, we can move on to Ashley Carpenter and Alex Henderson and I can’t believe I’m defending Alex here. Alex is getting the most screen time apparently during Love Is Blind Ohio because of his ‘story’. Alex is getting the lair edit but I think it’s deeper than that. He’s cooked but he’s not Andrew Tate. He’s a product of generations of American pioneers, Oregon trail ass nerds, a lifestyle that is not for everyone but he’ll find a woman for him. The rent is too damn high, we’ll all be Alex by spring. To paraphrase what I said on Reddit, I’d still let him do me but I’m not narrowing down my possessions for him.

I will also not travel horse and buggy with Alex. I am not going to whatever red state he wants to go to that day. In contrast, Ashley is getting the ‘almost victim’ edit which she may or may not be, depending on how one sees her. Her interviews are revelatory in that she, without saying it, implies that she feels sorry for him. Even her vows where she says that ‘I know you don’t choose me’ is equally revelatory about herself. I’ll try to be kind even if I’m venturing into armchair psychology and she is showing growth. But someone who looks like that yet has a fear of rejection shows that Ashley has a bit of a way to go. Actually, Ashley, you and Alex are politically aligned and you hate yourself, not even God can’t fix you.

Anyway, it’s strange to give this broken couple the most screen time here, reminding me of better couples. This season of Love is Blind needed to show Christine Hamilton and Victor St. John more – more normal people next season please. Maybe production thought that normal is boring, but there are kernels of interest here. I hope this comes off as a compliment, but their families look like an Alexander Payne film. Well, if Alexander Payne knew that Black people existed, reminding me of reality TV’s merits.

Love is Blind Ohio‘s wedding episode is available to stream on Netflix, and I may be back for the reunion.