Like The Growing Of Grass: Our Review of ‘Slender Man’ on Blu-Ray

Posted in Blu-Ray/DVD, Movies by - January 13, 2019
Like The Growing Of Grass: Our Review of ‘Slender Man’ on Blu-Ray

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Just because you can do something…doesn’t mean you should…

When you make a movie, inspired by an internet meme you’re already climbing an uphill battle.  Slender Man is a listless affair that isn’t scary in the slightest.  It’s actually painfully fucking dull.

In a small, go nowhere town in Massachusetts a group of friends are bored looking at life in a town they can’t stand after high school and are looking for ways to spice up their existence.  In an attempt to one up their male friends, this group of friends performs a ritual in an attempt to debunk the lore of the Slender Man.  However when one of them goes mysteriously missing, they begin to suspect that she is, in fact the latest victim of the Slender Man and that this seemingly silly internet myth actually has some truth to it.

There’s no real kind way to put it, but from beginning to end Slender Man flat out sucked.  With mediocre character development, special effects that took place mostly in the dark and pretty well no blood, this was an attempt at making a horror movie that simply had no teeth.

The script from writer David Birke is flimsy at best as these characters navigate around various horror movie tropes in an incredibly ineffective matter.  This entire thing felt like a rush job to capitalize on the success of the recent HBO documentary Beware of Slenderman and just got churned out of a random plot generator to make a cookie cutter horror flick.  It plays in a very paint by numbers fashion as the narrative knocks off each of the friends.

Director Sylvain White isn’t without some skill as the movie looks pretty good, but having to deal with action sequences and set pieces that take place mostly in the dark ended up being more than a little boring.  If the film isn’t going to have any (or just a minimal amount of blood) you really do need to ramp up the style factor on this to keep us engaged and too much of the film simply felt like a Blair Witch spinoff with slight better production values.  All in all it’s a slick looking film, but a lifeless one as very little that gets thrown on the screen ends up connecting with an audience in any kind of meaningful way.

Star Joey King is easily the most recognizable face in this ensemble of young adult actors, however it would be nice if any of them really had anything to do.  The character development is pretty minimal with everyone going through the motions that are expected of them in the horror genre.  The material never allows the audience to actually give a damn about any of these characters and that’s where it all ultimately fails.

The picture and sound quality on the Blu-Ray are solid as you’d expect but the special features just include a brief profile of the four female leads in this ensemble cast.

Ultimately, Slender Man is just really goddamn dull and not worth the time it actually takes to watch it.

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This post was written by
David Voigt is a Toronto based writer with a problem and a passion for the moving image and all things cinema. Having moved from production to the critical side of the aisle for well over 10 years now at outlets like Examiner.com, Criticize This, Dork Shelf (Now That Shelf), to.Night Newspaper he’s been all across his city, the country and the continent in search of all the news and reviews that are fit to print from the world of cinema.
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